Victim Blaming

**Warning this post includes trigger words, foul language, and graphic details.**

I’m angry that yet again, another rape victim is asked what SHE could have done to stop the abhorrent action from happening to her.

I am completely baffled how time and time again, rape victims are actually the person who is being questioned by the judge, not the rapist. How is it that rape victims are constantly being asked what they could have done to stop the attack in today’s society instead of asking the disgusting, vile man why he did such an abhorrent action?

What is wrong with these people?

It is starting to make me wonder if these people who keep siding with the rapist actually have these feelings themselves but, thankfully (or hopefully), never acted upon such horrific actions.

The woman in Canada, sorry, the nineteen-year-old, freshly-minted adult, will forever be scarred by the smell of the alcohol she was drinking, whatever cologne he was wearing, or whatever music was playing in the background. These scars could take years and years of therapy to heal. But that was not the question. Instead, he asked, “why she didn’t ‘skew her pelvis’ or push her bottom into the sink to avoid penetration.” But this wasn’t the worst of it: He openly wondered, “Why couldn’t you just keep your knees together?” along with, “Young wom[e]n want to have sex, particularly if they’re drunk.”

To rub salt in all the victim’s wounds, the rapist was acquitted with the judge saying this: “I want you to tell your friends, your male friends, that they have to be far more gentle with women. They have to be far more patient. And they have to be very careful. To protect themselves, they have to be very careful.”

Thankfully this case has been appealed, but this doesn’t stop me from wanting to see this judge slightly tips,y so he isn’t in complete control over his body, be bent over a sink and pinned down by a man almost twice his size and have a hot curling iron, turned on, shoved up his ass and then ask why couldn’t he skew his pelvis.

Instead of asking a rape victim what she could have done differently, why don’t we start posing the question: What makes men feel entitled to assault and force themselves upon women?

What is it in society that makes these people feel entitled to take whatever they feel like?

I have heard time and time again, even if it’s in a joking manner,

“Well I took her to dinner, she should at least give me a blowjob.” Uh, NO!

“I took her to dinner she should put out.”

Again, NO!

When has going on a date, paying for a movie, or paying for anything entitled that person to a physical response? The only thing you are entitled to is hopefully having a good time and hopefully making a meaningful connection with this person. If you do not, then move along with your life. If you really need to bust a nut so bad, there are sex stores where you can go buy a pocket pussy and jerk off. You are NOT entitled to a female’s body no matter how much money you have spent that evening.

I really wonder what the age group is that we have to re-teach these men “don’t touch,” because I think that’s covered in elementary school.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t just start with unwanted touching; there are cases and cases and cases of men who feel entitled to women. Hell, there’s a whole subreddit called creepyPMs that is mainly filled with messages from men who have been turned down. Their violent messages say they’re going to rape the woman or call her a slut because she says “no,” when a woman saying NO to an unsolicited dick pic is the opposite of a slut.

Just a reminder, men: nobody wants to see that. NO ONE wants to see your penis.

Why do some men feel that if they get shot down, they must verbally assault a woman? If this is their response before any actions can occur, it doesn’t surprise me that as they get older, they ask a woman “why she couldn’t keep her knees closed.” Or say in the Stanford rape case where Judge Aaron Persky said a harsher sentence would “have a severe impact on him.”

Let’s go back to the Stanford case. In case you forgot, the rapist was caught penetrating a drunken woman who was passed out behind a dumpster. She was 100% UNCONSCIOUS and UNABLE to consent to his disgusting, probably dirty, fingers.

It seems we really need to have a crash course in when a woman CAN or CANNOT consent to sex.

Has she said no to your advances? Move along.

If you force yourself onto her, that is rape.

Is she too drunk to stand or form proper words?

Let’s stay on the safe side and not have sex with this person. You’ll avoid her possibly throwing up on you and perhaps her sobering up and freaking out about what has happened.

Is she passed out? Be a decent human, check to see if she is alive, and call a friend, family ambulance, or anyone to take her home. Do NOT lift her skirt up, do not touch a boob, do not in any way, shape, or form place your dick near any part of her body.

If you feel that any money exchange that has happened means you should have sex with her, I’m sorry, but you are confused. What you’re looking for is a hooker or escort, not a date. If that is what you are looking for, you might use a professional, but that is not the woman you went on a date with.

Women do NOT have to have sex with you.

The only woman that you can have sex with is somebody who says things like “yes” or other variations of that word.

Now here is an even more significant part, if during sex she changes her mind and says “NO” or “Stop, get off,” that means you get the fuck off of her and THEN address the problem. You may ask, “What changed?”

Maybe this woman has been raped by a vile man, and something you have done has triggered a horrible response, or perhaps she has changed her mind, which is perfectly acceptable as well.

So, men, let’s just leave it at the facts: if she does not consent, if she does not say yes, then keep your hands off of her. That is it! Go handle things by yourself. You’ve done it for many years during your teenage years. Everyone knows your blue balls aren’t going to kill you.

Maybe someday we’ll live in a world where women don’t have to worry about walking down the street alone at night, during the day, in her office, at the mall, or anywhere for that matter, and have to worry about being violated and having the rest of her life completely scarred. Maybe one day, we’ll live in a world where we respect one another and men stop acting as if they are entitled to a woman’s body.

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