If you were to have asked me at 18 what my life at 30 would look like, it sure wouldn’t be this. 30 felt so far away, established, and adult. But I think none of those things. There are days when I wake up and wonder how did I get here? I look over and see my daughter sleeping in her crib and think, whose bright idea was it to trust me with a baby? Help, I need an adult! Oh wait, never mind, I am the adult now.
In three short months, this tiny adorable parasite has taken over my life, and it’s hard to imagine it being any different. There are times when I watch her try to figure out how to move her little legs when lying on her belly that I just can’t wait for her to be older so we can travel and see the world together. But at the same time, I hold her close at night and cherish these moments where she needs to be cuddled to fall asleep.
Being a mom is something that I’ve always wanted to be. Many times I had wished there was a way to skip the tiny baby age. Every single ounce of me is so thankful there isn’t a way to do that yet. Seeing her grow and develop into herself has been the most captivating thing I have experienced, and it’s happening far too fast.
I remember a discussion with my ex-husband where he asked me what I wanted out of life. I told him that I wanted to be a mom. To this day, I can still see his face and hear his tone of voice when asking me, “Then why did you go to college? Don’t you want more out of life?” I didn’t understand then, and there is no way now that I could ever understand why to him, being a great parent would not be enough.
He was right. I did go to college. I wanted the tools to build a life. But that doesn’t mean that money or a career is what would make my life complete. I’ve always chosen building memories over money. I could have gone to Hollywood and tried to make it a writer, but instead, I decided to travel and experience new things. I’ve spent a month in California and Portugal. I’ve traveled to Ireland and England and can’t wait to go back and explore. I’ve gone all over my home states of Virginia and Florida to capture different ways to bring life into my writing. I’ve done all this to one day share with my tiny human, and the more she grows, the more I am grateful. I have life experiences that I can pull from to show her how the world works and changes.
Being a parent is scary. How our parents could do it without all these fantastic new tools and baby aids seems to be magic. But there isn’t a magic wand that helps you get through all the challenging moments. I can only hope that I’ve learned enough through my short 30 years to raise this baby girl into a strong-willed, caring, intelligent, and courteous young woman.
If I can do that, then everything I have done and will do in my life has been for a good reason.
