Day 18: Insomnia Writes

I can’t sleep. I’m fighting insomnia, back pain, and exhaustion. You’d think I’d fall asleep when my head hit the pillow, but instead, I’m wide awake. Mind racing with a thousand things that can’t be handled until sunrises.

I’ve been working on blog posts Day 11 & 12 for nearly a week. I can’t seem to get them right, probably because of how personal they are to me. Sometimes the emotions they evoke make me feel sheepish and silly, and at the same time, I’m scared I’ll hold back and miss parts of the stories. 11 is about how my husband and I met in high school. It’s hard digging up twenty-year-old emotions. It makes me feel ridiculous sometimes because I know I’ll write things I’m sure I’ve never told him out of fear that butterflies will escape from my belly and spew from my throat. 

12 is about my kids’ journey with sports. It may not seem like something that would evoke emotions; however, with how much time, energy, and money we are investing in our kids to have fun and be healthy and athletic, there’s a lot of dedication and sacrifice to reflect on. 

This writing journey throughout lent has been challenging, forcing me to write daily. I hoped to have produced some chapters for my book, but I found myself digging deeper into my soul. I want to tell my stories now instead of living in a fantasy land. It’s been a long time since I have been happy with reality. I think the last time I didn’t feel the need to escape was when I still lived with my parents before leaving for college. I guess I feel that same safety in my life that I’m okay with being here again. I’m not saying my life is perfect by any means. However, it’s a happy, fulfilling one now. 

Hopefully, all this word vomit will calm my thoughts so I can sleep and write more when the sun finally rises. 

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