Lent, Mommy Blogs

Day 27: Four months postpartum

Today is the first day of spring break. It’s 57° degrees and overcast. Usually, I would complain about the weather not being warm and sunny, but today I’m grateful. I don’t think I’ve let myself rest since returning to work. Between softball, baseball, and a very feisty newborn, the only time my brain gets to relax is when my eyes are closed. However, today I’m finally listening to my body and doing nothing. 

It’s a struggle not to do anything. For some reason, I can’t just relax. Even now, as I lay on the couch and fight sleep, I’m trying to ignore how much I have to do. But laundry can wait. I need to listen to my body and rest. I must let go of the guilt that I don’t have any amazing adventures planned for my daughter and me. Not like she’s going to complain. Right now, she’s snuggled up next to me, watching her favorite shows. 

I hoped being off social media and unable to voyeuristically watch people’s spring breaks would keep away the guilt, but it’s not working. Some of my friends are on a road trip with their families. Others are enjoying the cool weather and camping. Some are on cruises. 

But even if I embraced my adventurous side this spring break, I doubt I would thoroughly enjoy it. I need rest. It was only four months ago that I was opened up to bring life into this world. My body may look like I was never pregnant, but that’s not the case. I’m physically and mentally drained. Sometimes my incision will still hurt because of the scar tissue. And even though my amazing little nugget sleeps through the night, I am not. Sometimes I lay awake listening to his adorable sleepy coos or worrying about how we’ll afford daycare when he goes in August.  

I’m fighting to stay awake as I write this, but I don’t have a choice. I hear my son has woken up from his nap. That means this moment of rest is over, and I’ll need to go back into full mom mood. Hopefully, he’ll nap again, and this time I’ll sleep with him so my body can continue to heal and recover. I must remind myself that it takes nine months to make a baby and just as long to recover. I only wish the professional world in America would remember that. 

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