Tag: Catholic Church

Lent

Healing Through Faith: A Journey Back to God

Alexandra Diane

This past Lenten season I gave up social media, like I have for the last six years, and every year it is a much needed detox. Usually, I spend those 40 days writing new blog posts, which are automatically shared to my social pages. This year, however, this year I stepped even further back. I didn’t want to wonder if my posts were getting engagement or if I was earning new followers. Life was too busy at the moment and it wasn’t just even then. Since about August, I have been playing unpaid therapist for two of my childhood friends. Around the same time, two of my childhood friends came to me with problems in their marriages. One ‌husband of 18 years cheated while the other husband succumbed to his addiction and broke sobriety. While each man responded differently, the one doubling down on his infidelity and the other breaking down to his wife and seeking help. However, in both cases, both women were left broken.

While the heartbreak came from two different situations; they both talked about healing through faith. Both of them grew up Catholic; as they grew up, their faith journeys took them in directions in life. My friend, whose husband is in recovery, has been church hopping trying to find the one whose message resonates with her soul. Their devotion to Christ being what connected her and to her husband in the beginning. The other had lost their way and was searching her way back but was nervous about how structured the Catholic Church was. Though she was searching for a new home, she felt lost in how many types of churches that are available in South Florida. It didn’t help that her soon to be ex-husband was weaponizing faith. She felt lost and broken, and anytime he gave a snarky response, he would manipulate teachings from the bible to fit his narrative. 

We sent text messages back and forth every single day. Because let’s be so for real, while we love each other and I have known them both since the single digits, life does not allow for in person friendships unless the universe aligns perfectly. But I noticed a pattern. Not just with them, but with other friends in my life. We were all searching for healing, either from our past or from the chaos of everyday life. Most of us would get lost in our phones trying to escape or ignore the pain that was etched into our souls. 

Then I received two messages. The first “I have a big bible at work and I spend like 20 minutes a day reading it now. Trying to get to know God for myself. Not just through sermons” And a few days later, “I’m finding out that the more routinely I open the Bible, the more I want to. Feels foreign to me.”

This sent me on a hunt. I searched through Amazon and other sites looking for a journal or book to buy them to help them through their problems. But they both kept telling me what they found felt like homework overload, surface level with no guidance, or they were being talked down to. And to top it off, none of the subjects were hitting the pain they were looking to heal. So I made my own. 

I went back through our texts and saw the same issues over and over again. They both felt since they had stepped away from the church in their early adult years that God no longer saw them. With love, sometimes they felt as if their past haunted them. That their actions made them unworthy of God’s love or anyone else’s. The biggest thing was trust. They both had their trust broken by men who were supposed to be their protectors. I wanted them to know that even though trust was betrayed; it wasn’t lost everywhere else. 

For my friend whose husband stepped out of their marriage, she is full of so much pain, hurt, and confusion. She doesn’t know what to do with all her feelings. They are eating at her soul, and as much as she vents to me and other friends, she can’t let go. Because of this, I focused on surrendering and letting feelings go to God. Even to me, that idea sounds impossible because I, as do they, love to be in control of everything. Asking them to let go while I find it hard seems unfair, but I know that’s what we all need to do. 

Surrendering to God leaves you open and vulnerable. Which leaves you asking who you are. And if you are truly trying to turn a new leaf, you are developing a new identity. One where you are trying your best to pick peace over anxiety. That also feels like an impossible task, and one that most of us will revisit time and time again. Because while the theory of it sounds amazing, the practice of it is ongoing. 

I knew that once they had broken down their walls; they needed to be rebuilt. So for the second half of the journal, I focused on finding joy and strength in God. For most of us; we allow our fear to control us. When fear takes over, it’s easy to miss what God has in store. We all have fears that we have missed our purpose in life. But once we survive the hard seasons, we can be thankful. It strengthens us…..or gives us a dark sense of humor, but either win win 🙂 

When I finished their individual journals, I got this text: “Honestly, looking at these pages, you made this specific to my anxieties and I am so damn touched.”

I did just that. I made them both for each friend, tailoring it to their deepest fears and anxieties. But that’s when I knew I needed to make one for the public. Because we are not unique in our pain and suffering. We are not the only ones who become lost and sometimes feel like apps and other journals out there are ‌too much. I hope if anyone buys this journal; it will help them heal and bring them closer to God. I am not perfect. I will work on it every single day to be closer to my creator, and I hope if anything this helps you find peace. 

IF you are interested in picking up the journal, A Quiet walk with God, it can be found on amazon https://www.amazon.com/dp/0999704354

Lent

Day 22: Faith & Marriage

Alexandra Diane

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

One of the most annoying things that I encounter has to deal with my faith. I understand that it is typical to ask about someone’s spouse after discovering their faith. However, what is the most belittling is when people find out my husband is an atheist. The first thing most people ask is, “He still lets you go to church?” or “Does he let your children go with you?” Like hold up, wait a minute. When did 2024 turn into the 1950s where the husband dictates what the family does? 

Marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. I’ve heard of people who are in Jewish / Christian marriages and when people find out about that, they ask, “Do you celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas?” No one is discussing someone limiting anyone’s beliefs. I’m uncertain whether it’s my husband or atheism itself that drives people to ask such questions. 

My daughter and I attend church regularly. She is a part of the faith formation and will take her first communion in a year or so. My stepson would be a part of his confirmation class if the other household would take him to his Wednesday class. We didn’t bring up the topic of him attending Wednesday classes, even though his mom was okay with him getting baptized. So he never started the classes. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t attend church. He does, when baseball doesn’t intervene. So that’s kind of limited. 

But back to my husband and my children’s faith.

When we got together, Tyler knew I was a Catholic. We talked about how I find peace in my faith and we have talked endlessly about why he lost his. Witnessing people murder each other in the name of their God can really do wonders on a person. However, faith wasn’t a big thing for him growing up. For my childhood, my mom took me to church and my dad worked. Even if he didn’t work, he was Catholic and my mom was raising us as Presbyterian. It didn’t cause any problems in our household. We weren’t orthodox and my mom took us so we could learn from people who were more experienced in the faith. So this way of raising children was very familiar to me. 

My husband has been by my side through all three of our children’s baptisms. In truth he was the one who pushed me through my postpartum depression and reminded me to set up the baptism dates. He is also the one who will tease me and call me a bad catholic or heathen when I choose sleep over going to mass. Tyler knows my faith is important to me and when I falter in going to church, he is there to support me. 

I sometimes question whether my husband is genuinely an atheist rather than an agnostic. Someone who can’t put a name to their faith. I have caught Tyler a few times talking about the unexplained. Maybe the universe has been more involved in our lives than he believed. I have seen him break down and denounce God with a passion when he lost his dog far sooner than we ever expected to lose her. You don’t do that unless you have faith to lose. 

What I don’t understand is how perplexed people are that someone who is an atheist would allow his significant other to raise their children with faith. It is absurd that someone so certain in their belief of nothing would be scared by someone’s belief in something. It just makes me value my relationship with my husband more. The way he empowers my faith, that we have civil discussions about things and that he has never once tried to stop me from sharing what I value with our children. 

As our children get older, they will leave the house and have the same opportunities I did. They can choose to stick with the religion they grew up with, or convert into something else. Maybe their life will take them on the same path as their father and something might make them lose their faith. That’ll make me sad, but they will be adults in charge of their own spiritual journey. I just want to give them the tools for that journey. 

Lent

Day 1: Valentine’s Day 2024

Alexandra Diane

Today is a busy Wednesday. Not only is it Valentine’s day, it’s also Ash Wednesday. I have put a lot of thought into what my first post would be for this Lent season. A week ago I thought I would start with one of the writing prompts I wrote in my journal to flesh out Ravenmaster book two. Yesterday, I started planning a post about the different branches of Christianity because my students and I were talking about how they have different names for the same faith. But on my way to work this morning I was listening to the radio. The DJs were playing fact or crap about Valentine’s Day facts. I found them so interesting, which has prompted me into a deeper dive of this hallmark holiday. 

Well, let me rephrase that. Valentine’s Day, Saint Valentine’s Day, or the Feast of Saint Valentine is not a hallmark holiday. Yes, that is what it has morphed into. However, that is not how it began. Like most things, over time, the true meaning has faded away. Let’s start at the beginning, with a fest day. 

Since the 8th century, the Roman Catholic church has celebrated the Feast of Saint Valentine on February 14th. The Eastern Orthodoxy celebrates the feast day on July 6th. Here is where things get crazy. There is an ongoing argument about the establishment of the feast day. Some claim that in 496 Pope Gelasius I, proclaimed that this day would honor all with the name Valentine. “… whose names are justly reverenced among men, but whose acts are known only to God.” But an anonymous source wrote almost a hundred years after Pope Gelasius’ death. Color me purple, but I’m a little jaded about believing anonymous no matter what century they come from.

However, the Catholic Encyclopedia (who knew there was such a thing) and other hagiography (the biography of saints and leaders ect.) do point to three men who may be the St. Valentine. One a priest and the other a bishop of Interamna being murdered in two different cities, on the same day, just outside Rome. Some believe that these two men might be the same men. The third man met his death in a Roman province of Africa. Apart from the number of companions who died alongside him, there is scarce information available. Eleven other saints share the name Valentine. However, February 14th claimed the lives of only three individuals. 

Victim 1:

Valentinus was a priest or Bishop of Terni, in Italy. The man was placed under house arrest for preaching about Jesus. Despite being incarcerated, he still preached about his faith to all who would listen. One being a judge with a blind daughter. The judge challenged Valentinus’ faith. He said if Valentinus could restore his daughter’s sight, he would do whatever the man asked of him. Valentinus laid hands on the eyes and she could see again. Valentinus instructed the judge to destroy all the false idols around his house, fast for three days, and be baptized. Not only did the judge fulfill the man’s request, but he also freed all the Christian inmates and instructed the adults and servants of his household to be baptized as well. 

However, Valentinus got into trouble again and the authorities arrested him for preaching the word of the Lord. Arriving in Rome, he met the emperor Claudius II. Things were going well, all things considered, for Valentinus, until he tried to convert Claudius to Christianity. Because Valentinus refused to denounce his faith, Claudius sentenced him to death. Valentinus was beaten with clubs and beheaded on February 14th 269.

Allegedly, before his execution, he wrote a letter to the judge’s daughter and signed it “from your Valentine.”

Victim 2: 

There is a legend from the 3rd century, more fitting for the holiday, of a priest who would secretly perform Christian weddings. These weddings would allow the husbands the ability to escape joining Claudius’ army. Which was troublesome to the emperor since he was low on men. According to the legend, Saint Valentine is said to have cut hearts from parchment “to remind these men of their vows and God’s love”, providing the origin of hearts on Valentine’s Day. Adding to the holiday lore, the priest wore a purple amethyst ring with a cupid engraved in it. Cupid was a legal symbol in the Roman Empire. The soldiers would recognize the ring and ask them to perform the marriage. Because of its association with Valentine, the amethyst became known as the birthstone of February and was believed to have the power to attract love.

Okay, so now we know that two men that were allegedly murdered for love. One for his love of the Lord and the other for hosting a few weddings and becoming a pain in the butt of an emperor. There are those who believe that Valentine’s day was created to circumvent a Roman pagan holiday promoting health and fertility. Knowing the Catholic church and their love for a good fest day, why wouldn’t they baptize a pagan holiday? They’ve done it before many times.  

But how did the death of men turn into the romantic flower giving, chocolate eating holiday we celebrate today? Where is the romance? For that, we turn to 14th century England and a famous poet Chaucer. In his poem, Parlement of Foules, there is a stanza about a dream vision. In this dream, we find the earliest references of St. Valentine’s Day is for lovers.

Poem Summary: 

The poem begins with Cicero, a Roman statesman, falling asleep while reading a book. That’s when Scipio Africanus the Elder, a Roman General, appears and guides to a gate. Think Dante’s Inferno, nothing good is beyond the gate. Cicero passes through the gate and heads to Venus’s temple, lined with doomed lovers. Rather than humans fighting for love, there are three male eagles vying for the affection of one female. (And Chaucer, being Chaucer, he makes it comical.) The birds have a parliament for the female to decide who will win her heart. The males all present their case for the female’s heart, in which a comical debate breaks out until Nature herself ends the debate. None of the males persuaded Nature that they deserve the female. The female asks Nature if she may put off her decision until next year? Nature allows it, ruling that it is the right of the female to decide and have the free will to choose her mate. Nature allows other birds to pair off. Cicero’s dream ends with a song and the welcoming of spring. He is unsatisfied with the dream and returns to reading. 

“For this was on Saint Valentine’s Day
When every bird comes there to choose his match
Of every kind that men may think of
And that so huge a noise they began to make
That earth and air and tree and every lake
Was so full, that not easily was there space
For me to stand—so full was all the place.”

Outside of the poem, there are even more developments in the romantic holiday. The first annual celebration of love is the 1400’s where there is the alleged Charter of the Court of Love issued by Charles VI of France at Mantes-la-Jolie. It is said to be lavish festivities attended by members of the royal court, where they feasted and listened to amorous song and poetry competitions, jousting and dancing. The attending ladies would hear and rule on disputes from lovers. Charles’s queen Isabeau of Bavaria held this party, while they waited out the plague.

Charles, Duke of Orléans, wrote the earliest surviving Valentine in 1415 to his wife while he was held in the Tower of London. 

“Je suis desja d’amour tanné
Ma tres doulce Valentinée…”

— Charles d’Orléans,

Margery Brewes to her future husband, John Paston, wrote the oldest English Valentine in 1477. She wrote “my right well-beloved Valentine”.  

Ophelia mentioned Valentine’s Day in William Shakespeare’s Hamlet (1600–1601):

“To-morrow is Saint Valentine’s day,
All in the morning betime,
And I a maid at your window,
To be your Valentine.
Then up he rose, and donn’d his clothes,
And dupp’d the chamber-door;
Let in the maid, that out a maid
Never departed more.”

— William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act IV, Scene 5

Two hundred and forty-seven years later, in Worcester Massachusetts, the first mass-produced Valentines of embossed paper lace were sold. Esther Howland based her Valentine’s on the English Valentine she received the year prior. Two years later, in 1849, Graham’s American Monthly deemed St. Valentine’s day to be a national holiday.