What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.
One of the most annoying things that I encounter has to deal with my faith. I understand that it is typical to ask about someone’s spouse after discovering their faith. However, what is the most belittling is when people find out my husband is an atheist. The first thing most people ask is, “He still lets you go to church?” or “Does he let your children go with you?” Like hold up, wait a minute. When did 2024 turn into the 1950s where the husband dictates what the family does?
Marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. I’ve heard of people who are in Jewish / Christian marriages and when people find out about that, they ask, “Do you celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas?” No one is discussing someone limiting anyone’s beliefs. I’m uncertain whether it’s my husband or atheism itself that drives people to ask such questions.
My daughter and I attend church regularly. She is a part of the faith formation and will take her first communion in a year or so. My stepson would be a part of his confirmation class if the other household would take him to his Wednesday class. We didn’t bring up the topic of him attending Wednesday classes, even though his mom was okay with him getting baptized. So he never started the classes. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t attend church. He does, when baseball doesn’t intervene. So that’s kind of limited.
But back to my husband and my children’s faith.
When we got together, Tyler knew I was a Catholic. We talked about how I find peace in my faith and we have talked endlessly about why he lost his. Witnessing people murder each other in the name of their God can really do wonders on a person. However, faith wasn’t a big thing for him growing up. For my childhood, my mom took me to church and my dad worked. Even if he didn’t work, he was Catholic and my mom was raising us as Presbyterian. It didn’t cause any problems in our household. We weren’t orthodox and my mom took us so we could learn from people who were more experienced in the faith. So this way of raising children was very familiar to me.
My husband has been by my side through all three of our children’s baptisms. In truth he was the one who pushed me through my postpartum depression and reminded me to set up the baptism dates. He is also the one who will tease me and call me a bad catholic or heathen when I choose sleep over going to mass. Tyler knows my faith is important to me and when I falter in going to church, he is there to support me.
I sometimes question whether my husband is genuinely an atheist rather than an agnostic. Someone who can’t put a name to their faith. I have caught Tyler a few times talking about the unexplained. Maybe the universe has been more involved in our lives than he believed. I have seen him break down and denounce God with a passion when he lost his dog far sooner than we ever expected to lose her. You don’t do that unless you have faith to lose.
What I don’t understand is how perplexed people are that someone who is an atheist would allow his significant other to raise their children with faith. It is absurd that someone so certain in their belief of nothing would be scared by someone’s belief in something. It just makes me value my relationship with my husband more. The way he empowers my faith, that we have civil discussions about things and that he has never once tried to stop me from sharing what I value with our children.
As our children get older, they will leave the house and have the same opportunities I did. They can choose to stick with the religion they grew up with, or convert into something else. Maybe their life will take them on the same path as their father and something might make them lose their faith. That’ll make me sad, but they will be adults in charge of their own spiritual journey. I just want to give them the tools for that journey.
