With bloganuary completed and lent right around the corner, I have taken a bit of a break from writing. During Bloganuary, I completed all but two topics and posts, and for lent, I will be engaging in 40 days of writing and 40 days without social media. In the past, my decision to give up social media has not conflicted with my life. It was a chance to detox from the endless scrolling, focus on my writing, and reconnect with what matters most. But this year things will be different. Last fall my husband joined the rec baseball board. Because of my work for our travel team, they put my husband in charge of the rec social media accounts. While he does a lot, I am the one who creates and posts most of the content. After Valentine’s day this year, which just so happens to fall on Ash Wednesday, he will take over the posts. I’m curious to see how things go.
My goal this season is to take those endless hours of mindless scrolling and polish off Angelic Findings. For more than a decade, this manuscript has haunted me. However, I am glad that I have spent that time working through all the learning curves. Angelic Findings is the story I started after college. My brain felt broken after five years of academic writing. Creativity was staunched as I wrote analytical essay after analytical essay. The first ten drafts of Angelic Findings were so dry I could have started a fire with them. I didn’t hate it, but I discovered something. Every time I reworked the story, Cassandra evolved. Which is normal and should happen, but she wasn’t just reflecting on the events happening in the world of Angelic Findings. She was a mirror of my emotions. One that I wasn’t aware of was pouring onto the pages. I discovered this about nine years ago when my first marriage fell apart. I was back from Brazil, not knowing if Florida would be my home again, when I read the manuscript as an audience member, not a writer. Witnessing Cassandra being manipulated by someone who claimed to care for her was unbearable. So I shelved the project.
I abandoned that world, needing fresh eyes and a healed soul before I could revisit it. I dove deep into writing for myself. Short stories that soothed my soul before weren’t enough. I was searching for something. Something that would let me feel whole again. I think that is when I started to blog, needing to get my feelings out. But, I always felt journaling was ridiculous. I don’t know why pen to paper was an alien concept for me. I have bookshelves filled with journals. But those are for stories. Not my pain. Maybe I feared that seeing my thoughts in black and white like blood on a page was too much.
One night I was texting with a friend about my writing. I told him how things were different. Writing fantasy has become difficult. For such a long time, it served as my sole source of solace. But I don’t need that anymore. I am happy with my life. I didn’t need the worlds I used to create to escape anymore. Yes, I still get depressed, but I turn to my husband. I live in reality to heal myself. Writing fantasy had to become something more than just a bandaid for my emotions. It needed to become a world I would want to visit while I am happy.
Ravenmaster was a happy place. It’s why I could finish my book and not totally hate it. Could it be better? Yes. The second book will be much better…and longer. I am also using the season of lent and my 40 days of writing to work on the Motivation that drives Molly and Liam outside of just surviving. I want them to achieve their goals and fall in love. To heal with one another because they just survived something that should have killed them.
So while I may not be sharing my post on social media, I will still be writing. Sometimes WordPress works with me and the share button actually shares things. Which is great. But be sure to stop by from time to time to see what I am writing because from February 14th until March 28th, there will be radio silence from me.
