In honor of Adelyn’s second month on Earth I wanted I’d share how she came into the world.
I’m not sure what I had expected birth to be like, but I thought there would be pushing and heavy breathing followed by a little munchkin coming out crying.
When it came time to leave for the hospital, I did everything to avoid getting into the truck. But since I never entertained the idea of the c-section, I wasn’t fully prepared for what happened. I hate wires and surgery, and something deep down felt off. But everyone kept telling me it was just nerves.
On Tuesday evening, I checked into the hospital and settled in as well as I could. But I kept pacing the room. Even though the hospital had done everything to make the space welcoming, it was still very large to house all the machines I was about to be hooked up to. As the nurse was attaching bands to my belly to monitor Adelyn’s heartbeat, I talked to the nurse about my pain options. I might have been a little too excited to ask, but ever since my birthing class, I wanted to know more about the laughing gas. That was my number one option because I wouldn’t have to rely entirely on the epidural or heavier meds and still have control of my body.
As the nurse went through the checklist to see if I could be approved for the gas, she asked me if I had a B12 deficiency. Thinking nothing of it, I quickly answered, “Yes.” Little did I know this was going to no longer leave the gas as an option. She asked again, just to be sure if it was a true diagnosis from my doctor. Again I said yes, and it was because I have Celiac. And wouldn’t you know it? Two lines down, it asked if the patient had Celiac, Crohn’s, and a few other autoimmune problems. Any of these would no longer allow the patient to be a candidate.
So many people had asked me what my birthing plan was, and for this reason alone, I didn’t really have one. I didn’t need my hormones to be funky, rendering me even more emotional with things not going as planned. I mean, yes, I was going to be induced, but I knew that there was a chance of a c section even though the goal was a “natural” birth. But it still sucked. I was excited to be able to giggle my way through the contractions.
By nature, I am a very curious individual, and throughout this whole pregnancy, I have forced myself not to google things. I really didn’t need the internet to tell me something was wrong with the baby because I felt a sharp pain or two. So once the gas was ruled out, I needed to know why. Since this was a new option to the hospital, the nurse wasn’t entirely sure why I was canceled out other than the NO the checklist left us with. She laughed and asked if we wanted to google it and for the first time ever throughout my whole pregnancy, I was glad we did. Because for those with Celiac, Crohn’s, and other autoimmune diseases, there was an extremely high chance of being left with permanent nerve damage if used for a continuous extended period of time.
After finding that out, it really made the gas a no-go leaving me with only one option left… the lower body numbing epidural. I had the jitters. I was excited and nervous. My body had never gone through this level of change in such a short time, and really no one should ever expect it to. So when they suggested I take a sleeping aid. I took it, and as it kicked in, Tyler and I took silly pictures before I passed out.
Wednesday morning, I was woken by the nurse. They were doing a shift change and getting ready to give me the second set of meds. These were to fully help my body dilate. The next step was to break my water and just wait for her to show up. Up until now, everything seemed to be going smoothly. My contractions started, and I was 3 centimeters dilated. But that’s where my body stopped cooperating.
I would be talking to Tyler, and suddenly my contractions would come on really strong. The machines would start to beep, and the nurses would come in asking if I was okay. To me, I felt alright, I mean, it wasn’t a walk in the park, but I didn’t think it was enough to bring in any of the staff. But apparently, my blood pressure was spiking at a level to bring them in. After a third alarm, they suggested that I take my epidural early, hoping it would help my body relax.
It wasn’t long before the anesthesiologist was in the room and sticking me with a needle. By the way, they explained it to me everything should have been an easy stick and go; it wasn’t. Another reason why I wasn’t eager to have the epidural was because I have a slight curve in my spine, and it just so happened that my curve was right where the epidural needle should g,o which I was warned could cause some problems. Also, anytime I’ve been given anesthesia, in any form, I vomit the moment it starts to affect my body.
At first, it seemed that she placed it correctly, and everything was great for a while. I puked, and all the pain was gone. But as soon as it was working wonderfully,y it wasn’t. Not that far into it, only my right leg was numb, and again,n I was feeling every contraction leaving my blood pressure to spike. After being dosed similarly and vomiting, the same numbing pattern returned. Soon they brought in a second anesthesiologist.
The amount of attitude that came from him was disheartening. I don’t know if he meant to talk shit about the first woman, but he did not like where she placed the first needle. He quickly traced my spine and placed the needle.
“Oh, you got it in the right spot,” I said, turning green.
Coming around from behind me, he looked slightly confused. “How do you know?”
“Hold this. please,” I handed him the little pink kidney bean pan and threw up. “Because that happened.”
He was quick with the kidney bean pan and laughed, asking if everything was working.
I soon relaxed as more than my right leg became numb. He waited to ensure my whole lower half was numb. Rightfully smug and satisfied that he had done his job correctly, he left.
Around three, my doctor came in to check on how I was doing in the dilation department, and it wasn’t as far along as I should be. After twelve hours of labor, I was only at 6 out of 10 centimeters dilated. While my doctor was in, blood pressure began to spike since the dose of the epidural had worn off. But at that point, it had become routine. What was not routine was the notable loud tisks coming from my doctor as she reviewed Adelyn’s blood pressure on her graph. Adelyn’s blood pressure was dropping. But at that point, it wasn’t enough for them to do anything.
At 6pm, my doctor came back in to check on me. I was still only 6 centimeters. My usually quiet doctor made more tisks. Most people may not have thought much of it, but my doctor was not one to cause unnecessary worry. So to have her twice make an audible tisk left me very worried.
But everything was still up to me.
Knowing that she wasn’t a big fan of surgery, she asked me if I would want to do a c-section by the following check if there was no progress. Once again, I was so glad that I hadn’t created a birthing plan. I am not sure how I would have handled knowing there was possibly something wrong with Adelyn, and my body was just refusing to cooperate.
By 9pm, nothing had changed, and I made the decision to go under the knife. There was no reason for me to wait until my 24-hour window was up. I didn’t need to wait and have more stress on my body. Soon I was being prepped, and the male anesthesiologist was back in my room walking me through what would happen on his end.
Under bright lights, they lifted a curtain in front of me so I couldn’t see what they were about to do. I asked for Tyler. I did not want to be alone while they cut me up. They finally let him in after the room was prepped, and the anesthesiologist tried to numb me up. But it wasn’t happening. I could still feel every prick they made on my body when they tested. He turned to Tyler and told him that he couldn’t give me any more because the amount they had given me would have been enough for him. Keep in mind I’m 5’ ft tall, and Tyler is 6’1 and easily has 100 pounds on me.
As they cut, I crushed Tyler’s hand.
I was able to tell the doctor where they were and what they were doing. It was the strangest, most unsettling pain I had ever experienced. My skin being cut open and pulled apart. I could feel them moving things out of the way. It was frightening, but at the same time, I wished I could have watched. Not seeing was worse. My imagination is far too active. While high on the drugs, I proceeded to tell the doctors that, of course, she would be birthed this way because she did in my dream. I told them about my nightmare and how Adelyn sliced through my skin like a tiny wolverine or X-23. But the part I didn’t say was how she left me to bleed out and die. After verbalizing the dream and remembering how fearful I was when I woke up thinking I was dead, I started to worry about dying from childbirth.
I listened to the doctors’ talk, and mine was pissed. My doctor asked where the sonogram was, and the nurses all were confused as to why no one had done it. She had requested the sonogram at 3pm when she first saw Adelyn’s pressure drop. It turns out that Miss Adelyn had managed to wrap her cord around her little body. At that moment, high on drugs that weren’t numbing me and being what felt like flayed open, I was glad I didn’t wait. There would have been no way I could have pushed my tangled little baby out, and I would have risked her and myself.
When Adelyn was finally unwound and pulled into this world, she barely cried. To my right, I could see where they placed her to check if everything was okay. Soon the most pathetic little cry came out. (Two months later, it is known as her ME cry because she sounds like she is saying me over and over again.) And in a blink, I had a little tiny human with a head full of deep dark hair and bright blue eyes lying next to me. She continued her mes all while trying to eat my nose.
I don’t know how long we laid there while they started to get ready to stitch me up, but soon she and Tyler were gone. The anesthesiologist gave me his hand to hold, but I hurt him. He gave me something else to hold, and I crushed it with every tug of the stitches. When they stapled the incision shut, I cussed at them. I started to doze off from the medication, but I didn’t want to sleep. I didn’t want to die. But even with all the pain and fear rushing through me, it was worth it. After seeing her perfect little button nose and hearing her tiny little sounds, there was no better feeling in the world than to see the little tiny human that I had just created.