Lent

Day 16: Core Memory

I couldn’t think of what to write today so I turned to my handy dandy 300 writing prompts journal. I flipped through page after page and thought I was going to write about “If you could pack up and leave on vacation today, where would you be off to?”  Then I kept flipping and stopped at “Is our world today a better or worse place than it was when you were a kid?” I started planning for that one. But then the book almost closed on itself and the very last page was left open. The prompt was “Describe your favorite photograph.” That one stuck with me. I knew the answer right away. 

There is a picture of me at the beach at night. I am on the sidewalk, sitting on a pillar of a bike rack. In my hand is my cell phone. I have a look of shock on my face and a bit of excitement. I am wearing a green long sleeve shirt that is covering my hands and I think tan capris. What makes this picture memorable has nothing to do with the image itself. It’s the memory that is invoked every time I look at it. 

I can feel the humidity on my skin and the salt on my face. The ocean breeze softly blows as my phone rings. My nerves are on edge when I look at the number. It’s an international number and I know only one person who would call me from out of the country. My friends tease me. It’s Tyler. He’s in Iraq in a war and the boy I have a crush on is calling me. I know nothing is going to happen between us. The age difference. Him being in actively in the middle of a war. Nevertheless, I am giddy, excited that he is alive. 

I say “Hello,” there is a delay in his response. But I expect that.  

My friend snaps the picture, and the flash goes off when he finally says “Hello.”

Mommy Blogs

Finding my calm

This morning before my doctor’s appointment, instead of rushing from dropping off my daughter to sit in the parking lot and steal internet from the doctor’s office so that I could work on things for school, I decided to take a moment for myself and go to the beach. It’s incredible how much a little salt air can refresh the soul. 

It’s been a long time since I slowed down and appreciated the world around me.

I have been stressed out worrying about finding a sub for my students, ensuring their lesson plans are ready, and wondering if they’ll be all right. All while our house has been under construction for longer than I wanted.

I allowed that to stress me out instead of letting go and just rolling with it knowing my husband was working the fastest his body would allow. We are still entangled in the kids participating in sports nearly every day of the week. I truly was having unrealistic expectations of what we could complete and it nearly caused a mental breakdown several times.

This pregnancy has been much different than my first with my daughter. I cherished all the small moments and let myself relax and enjoy what was going on while this one has seemed to be a strain on my mental and physical health. But standing here watching the sunrise over the surf rolling in has reminded me of the amazing little creature living inside me.

I’m excited about my maternity leave this time. Unlike with my daughter, I will not be working at all through it.

I’m blessed that Bennett is arriving in the fall, so we can spend more time outside, not sweating to death.

After recovering from surgery, I plan on spending as much quality time focusing on myself, the new little baby, and my family. Work will always be there, but little moments like watching the sunrise with my kids or just enjoying coffee alone will not always be there.