Today I took the first step in actively working on my mental health. I had an hour-long session with a therapist. This isn’t my first time with therapy. The last time I sought help was to deal with my postpartum depression and anger. However, that ended quickly after the therapist said to me, “have you ever been to therapy before? Bec” Because this isn’t how it works.” The woman said, after I bared my soul… That may have been word vomit of emotions and feelings, but she wasn’t correcting me, just being rude.
Even though I had an awful experience with therapy, I have always suggested it to family, friends, and my students. My husband is alive because I pushed him to speak to those are the VA who were trained in his combat related PTSD. I have guided more than a handful of students into either talking with a guidance counselor or a mental health specialist. Even my own little clone is in therapy, learning how to handle her massive emotions. So when my husband told me I needed to get help, I didn’t fight him. I didn’t want to do it, but I did it. I would hate myself forever if I always suggested those to seek help while I became lost within myself.
Somehow I got lucky. My new therapist seems wonderful. She has a kind voice, and she genuinely seemed engaged when I spoke about the things I’ve lived through. I can’t explain why I went with the first therapist I contacted, but a tiny voice inside me said, “this one.” When she asked me to fill out the pre paperwork, she asked if I had any trauma. In that millisecond, I finally stopped running and decided I didn’t need to be strong. I said “yes.”
While I have documented my sexual assault by my boss on here before, I have lived through a lot of other extremely dark things. Situations that I don’t feel comfortable putting out in the world, I will say this: I’m essentially a statistic for many things that can go horribly wrong to a female.
One thing she was gauging me on was to see if I may suffer from PTSD because my scores were pushing me there. However, that I don’t avoid situations that have caused me trauma means I don’t qualify. Part of me didn’t like that response because, for most of my trauma, there’s no way to avoid it. As I keep finding out, Jupiter/Gardens is a small ass town and the only way to avoid being triggered would be to move.
But fuck that. I’m not leaving my hometown. This is the place I’ve always wanted to raise my kids. It’s a wonderful community offering more in one location than any other community I’ve lived in. Another reason I throw my middle finger in the air at the idea of avoiding things is that I won’t be the victim. I am stronger than that. Those people who have bruised my soul will not now or ever win.
After an hour of jumping around and explaining pieces of myself to this woman with a trusting voice, I felt drained. However, even though we didn’t dive that much into the crap burdening my soul, I felt a small sense of relief. One that I can only hope will grow.
Tag: assault
Day 38: The danger of misinformation, especially with school safety
Today was a shit show and a half. But the chaos started the day before.
We were in code red before the first period was over. Only this time, it wasn’t a drill. My students were outstanding. We all went to the secure location, and everyone was silent. While we waited for a clear, all I could think about were the students out filming. Not even five minutes after the code started, the all-clear was called.
When my students returned to my class, I asked them where they had gone. Some entered other teachers’ rooms, some entered the bathrooms, and others headed to grade-level offices. Two students told me they left the camera rolling when they ran off. I said that’s fine; maybe you captured something interesting. However, a few told me they were worried about the equipment. I reminded them I could always buy new cameras. I couldn’t purchase their life back if the unthinkable happened.
Finally, the last three students returned to class. And boy, did they have a story. They were recording as the incident began. A male student had become hostile and was verbally threatening a teacher. The girls were packing up. They didn’t want him to break the camera. He was punching the doors and shouting at any and all authority that came near him. Before that could return to class, the code red started. They left the gear and went to a secure location. They could still hear the student yelling and threatening as the Administration detained the hostile student. Two of the three girls said they were concerned about his behavior, and my third said she wanted to stay and get footage because it would be a good news story. I joked and said, “Well, we know who the future newscaster will be. But in all seriousness, your safety is the number one priority.”
We all went about our day, and aside from thinking about how well our students handled the situation, I gave little thought to it.
This morning we had our monthly faculty meeting, and we found out the teacher didn’t mean to activate the code red. Although I think it was good, who knows if the Hostile student could have lashed out at an unexpected student walking in the halls? We learned that pressing our emergency badges three times, pausing, and then pressing them three times again counts as six times. And if they were pressed after that, it activates a code red. We all assumed that pushing it three times would alert the administration that they were needed in the room, and if we waited a moment or two in between that, it would just reactivate the administration call. Most of our teachers didn’t realize that even if there were moments between the three punches, it would activate a code red, which is what happened.
When we arrived at school today, there was more police activity on campus than usual. Most of them chalked it up to the code red. That was until the principal told us the suspended student had posted a threat on social media. The principal wasn’t even aware of the danger until he arrived on campus. We have an extremely good system where parents and students can report social media threats or any threat. However, our local police force was on our campus faster than the reporting system this time. Somebody had notified them about the student making a threat to our school. Our principal had just found out this information not too soon before our meeting started. Our principal is amazing and very transparent with the teachers, the students, and their parents. He composed a message to inform us that there was a report and that the police were already handling the situation, which he sent out once our meeting was completed. However, that wasn’t soon enough.
Students were already making their way to campus in the morning. Those who travel by bus leave insanely early, and many parents drop off their students before school hours because they have to go to work. So while we were in the meeting, students were already on social media sharing the post that the student had threatened the school. And they panicked without knowing that the situation was being handled. They did not give us a chance to calm the storm before it took place. The rumor mill had already begun.
This was probably the most dangerous part of the day. Teenagers gossiping. Students are not talking to adults but to each other, exaggerating and making the situation worse. Kids were already calling and texting their parents, asking to be picked up. Parents calling the school jammed the phone lines, limiting communication.
But while there were kids that were worried and calling their parents, those who wanted to be sure the Administration saw every single post made. They wanted to ensure everyone was aware of the situation, and I was so proud of these things. They wanted to make sure that there was no possibility of anything wrong. Unfortunately, things became worse when rumors grew.
This was when I started getting emails from parents asking me what was happening. I told them everything was normal, and we were all fine. I asked where they heard things, and they said a teacher told their children the suspended student had returned to school. Which I knew was not true. I reassured them that everything was safe and that even though everything was safe, out of an abundance of caution, we had an excessive amount of police force on campus. Then some parents sent me screenshots of the local community input people were saying. Some parents didn’t even have children on our campus and were spreading lies. And then the thing that pissed me off the most happened. My former news station reported that we were in a code yellow. Code yellow is when teachers are still teaching but restrict the movement in the halls unless absolutely necessary. We were not in a code yellow. We were not in a code anything. It was a normal day being blown out of proportion by people spreading lies and rumors. This was ensuing chaos. One mother complained that it took an hour for her to pick up her child. Not only was there an excessive number of parents picking up their kids, but they must vet every single person who was picking up a student. The administration was not just going to allow anybody to come to pick up kids randomly. It always has to be checked, and there were parents complaining about that.
Today was a fucking joke, and it wasn’t because of our administration. They were doing more than necessary to be open with all the parents. They did everything possible to ensure safety. And they were trying to keep the students on campus calm. Unfortunately, worried parents made the situation worse.
I fully understand the concern, but social media’s gossip mill made things awful. News stations reporting with false information made it even worse. Adults and students alike spreading lies and gossiping made things atrocious. Teachers were with the students all day. We were calming nerves dealing with those having panic attacks. This put us under a lot of stress and pressure to make sure all students were okay and safe. Not just physically but mentally as well. Some teachers taught while others, like myself, turned on a movie and tried to distract the students from thinking of anything negative.
Adults need to be smarter. They need to stop gossiping and spreading rumors, and inciting horrible comments about things they do not know what is going on. Some parents were saying how their students were telling them a different story than what the principal was saying and calling the principal a liar. Our principal is anything but a liar. The students’ safety is his number one priority, and today he took every precaution. Our administrative staff in the front office were dealing with hostile parents, who were making the situation worse than it needed to be. Parents need to remember these are middle schoolers. There is a total no chance that their precious little babies would exaggerate the situation. I heard them exaggerating the situation. There were rumors spreading that an administrator got into a fight with the suspended student and was in the hospital, and there were people that actually believed it. Which I found absolutely absurd, since the man was walking around campus unharmed and obviously not in a hospital.
I truly understand people being concerned and worried. But they need to be smart. They don’t need to make a situation worse. And that is all that happened today. Gossip, rumors, news stations sharing false information. All of this caused more chaos and is not helpful.
I can’t believe this is my second post in less than 40 days about the chaos in schools.
Day 13: Classroom Assault
I was working on blog post 11 and 12 but stopped.
I hear endlessly that people don’t understand why there’s a teacher shortage, but the answer is simple. We don’t get paid enough. I’m not talking about being paid enough to cover supplies and random things we’d like to decorate our classrooms with. No, we do not get paid enough to put up with mental abuse from students, which some teachers deal with daily; more disturbing is the fear of being physically assaulted by a student.
In the last few months, the national news has been paying attention to two different attacks that happened to teachers. One was a six-year-old who shot his teacher, and the other was a fairly large ESE student who beat the living shit out of his para. If you have seen the attack video, you know there is no other way to describe what happened. While both incidents are horrible in their own right, they are not that unique.
I have no answer, but reading over and over again that the schools failed is taking the easy way out. As a teacher who sees students of all learning abilities and ages, there is not one answer for why students in the public school system have become so toxic. Just as the mainstream media likes to blame the schools, I could easily blame the parents of these students. However, that’s unfair. I have been a part of parent-teacher conferences where parents do not understand why their children are cussing out the teachers or threatening them. At the same time, I’ve been a part of conferences where the parents are hostile and blame the teachers for their children’s behavior.
An assault happened to one of my co-workers today, and while I can not openly discuss what happened with the teacher, if there had been a video, I’m sure it would have made the news. I don’t know how to handle discussing assaults on teachers. Yes, the public needs to be aware of the fucked up situations. However, I’m nervous that airing these incidents will cause copycats.
Even if we never show or name another student in an assault case, students will still act out, and there need to be more severe consequences. I don’t know what other consequences are required, but suspensions aren’t enough. There are students who have told me they would rather get a two-day out-of-school suspension because they will watch Netflix the moment their parents leave. How is that a punishment for verbally assaulting an adult? How is that punishment for assaulting another student? How is out of out-of-school or in-school suspension a punishment for being late to class repeatedly? It isn’t. The students actively seek these out. I have a student that, the moment her boyfriend gets I.S.S or O.S.S. she tries to get whatever suspension he has so they can spend time with each other.
While venting my frustrations, I suggested we should hold the parents more accountable. Maybe that might make those parents who ignore their children’s toxic behavior to become more aware. Maybe instead of I.S.S or O.S.S, the parents have to pay a fee after a student has received a certain amount of disciplinary referrals. It might make people more aware of the situation.
A lot of these assaults are perpetrated by students who can be classified as EBD. The mainstream media tend not to talk about students with disabilities. This is where a big Catch-22 comes in because we are now discussing disabilities.
Basically, once these students get the EBD label, they act as if they are invincible. Yes,some of these students actually have a disability where they cannot control their temper and outburst, and other things along those lines may happen. However, some students will cause harm and say, oh, I can’t help it because of whatever label they’ve been given.
I believe every child should receive an education and their best education.However, there has to be a line. I don’t think that students should return if they have already been to juvie for assaulting a police officer at the school. We need to establish a clear boundary. When do we put other students at risk because we want to ensure that everything is inclusive?
Not all behavior issues are attributed to disabilities. Some students are outright a*holes. It doesn’t matter their socioeconomic background or how good or bad their parents are. They’re just not good people. And it’s extremely unfortunate because no matter how hard their parents try, the students do not care.
So I am at a loss for what to do. Teachers shouldn’t have to worry about being verbally or physically assaulted by their students. Everybody deserves an education. But how many chances do students deserve before they are hindering everyone’s ability classroom? How many chances before the student causes disturbances that disrupt an entire school? What is the answer? I don’t know, maybe you do.