Category: Teaching

Teaching

Another school year, another set of suicide classes

Alexandra Diane

Another school year brings another set of classes where teachers have to share partial information about suicide and other mental health issues receiving no true training or support. 

Today I showed students a three minute and forty-five second video that loosely touched on warning signs and I am not entirely sure what else. I had to talk to boys and thought now was the time to laugh and make fun of each other. My skin was already crawling because this topic puts me on edge. But to have kids laughing while others are visibly uncomfortable made it worse.

After separating the boys, the video was over. I opened the teacher’s lead discussion questions and just stared at them. 

What is suicide? 

Why is it important to talk about suicide? 

What are some signs that someone might be thinking about suicide?

What should you do if you or someone you know is thinking about suicide?

Who are some people who can help if someone is thinking about suicide?

These questions were empty. 

While I knew other teachers had no interest in engaging with their students on this topic, that wasn’t me. I’m still not sure how we can expect students to handle a heavy topic, gloss over important details, give them a pointless quiz, and then expect them to get back to their classwork. Just the same as if we asked them to color a dinosaur, not possible to trigger them. Fuck, they don’t even consider the teacher. 

Before this year, teaching the subject was bearable, but this year I had to truly mentally prepare myself. Less than two years ago, I was staring at a lake, wondering how long it would take my family to miss me if I drowned myself. 

So instead of turning the kids loose and leaving them to stew in whatever the mind funk the session left them in, I asked my own questions.

First, I asked how many had a friend tell them they wanted to kill themselves? More than I expected raised their hands. One of the annoying boys says “what if they were joking?” I asked “how many were serious?” The same hands stayed up. I called on a few students and asked them what they did. One said he didn’t leave his friend alone. The other said he showed his mom the messages and his mom talked to the student’s parents. I asked if the student was mad and mine said “yes but I’d do it again.” 

They were the amazing friends that saved someone’s lives that day. It was better to have them mad at them rather than dead. But I apologized to them and the class that this wasn’t something that was going to go away. As they grew older, they would lose more people in their lives. 

I told them the story of my friend Jeff, who took his own. How he was the most talented musician I knew. I explained that he always saw things with dark lenses and one day he viewed them through rose-colored glasses. A student asked, “isn’t that a good thing?” I said “no, because my friend in the years that I’ve known him had never been happy like that.” It was a major red flag. It was a personality change. I reminded them about how the video talked about personality changes, but it’s not always a dark and depressed person. I told them how to this day I wonder if my friend would be dead if I hadn’t lost his address. I remembered calling and calling his phone, texting him, asking what his address was. But there was no answer. Later, when I found out he took his life, I saw it was the day I was supposed to visit him. 

I then asked how many students I had in this class that I taught in middle school. Then I asked them if they noticed anything different about me when I returned from my maternity leave. None of them said they did. Then somehow I verbalized that a few weeks after Bb’s birth, I wanted to take my life. Through tears, I told them how Adelyn came up and held my hand. She said “mommy I need you.” Those were the words that stopped me from wandering off. 

A boy popped up and asked, “isn’t that postpartum depression?” 

I said, “yes it was, still is.” 

I explained that women can take around 5 years to return to their mental state. 

There was a collective sigh in the group. 

But I had to use this opportunity to reassure them that seeking help was okay. I shared with them how I’ve been through therapy and how it’s okay to get help. I also encouraged them to talk to their parents. That in a perfect world, their parents will always be there to help them and if they didn’t have their parents, there is a campus full of adults here to help them. 

I shifted the focus to a new icon added by the student portal. This icon is called trusted adults. A few kids giggled at the idea. I told them it wasn’t dumb or pointless. The school wanted to make sure that the students understood they could talk to their teachers. I let them know that I’m always available if they need someone to talk to about issues that they couldn’t discuss with their parents. There would be no doubt that I would call them dumb, because most of the time it’s something super dumb. However, no matter what, I would encourage them to talk to their parents and help them figure out the best way to discuss it with them.. 

But I also clarified that I am a mandatory reporter. Reporting anything that happens to them or their friends is not just a legal obligation for me, but a commitment I will fulfill. Because I’d rather they be mad at me, but alive. I also suggested that if they ever get a message from their friends that they don’t know what to do about that, they could send it to me and I would be the one to report it. That way, they could genuinely tell their friends that they said nothing. 

We eventually had to take the short quiz and fill out the worksheet. 

After the bell rang, a few students came up to me and said thank you. 

I don’t know if this was too much, but it felt necessary. I couldn’t leave them to stew or think suicide was something that only happened to sad people. Throughout the next four years, I wanted to ensure they were aware I was available to help and that I would be a supportive listener for them. 

Teaching

PEBCAK

Alexandra Diane

PEBCAK: Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard

I thought when I transferred from the newsroom to the classroom that I wouldn’t be playing tech support for my co-workers. My prediction was somewhat correct. I’m no longer tech support for my co-workers, however I am teaching basic computer skills far more than I ever expected to.

There is something terrifying about this generation. 

They were born with technology at their fingertips, yet none of them grasp how to use it. 

Today students were removing footage from their SD card. That isn’t something that I fault them not understanding, since every camera records footage in their own unique way. I was shocked to discover that not a single student could create a new folder or identify their desktop versus Google Chrome. A few didn’t even know how to right click with a basic mouse. Nearly every student told me that outside of a Chromebook, they did not use a computer. That was if they used a Chromebook, most simply used their phone or tablet. 

I thought the tech issues ‌were bad when I taught middle school. But those students, who are now sophomores, had stronger skills. These freshmen seem even more perplexed when using basic tech. 

It’s bizarre that most of these kids didn’t know how to click a mouse. When I tell them to right click on the mouse, they either double tap the left button or they just barely click the Right mouse button. And when we’re going back to regular clicking instead of clicking the left mouse button, they use the right one. Because all these kids have ever used is the trackpad or their finger on a phone or a tablet. 

It’s not just computing they have an issue with. Students keep confusing SD cards with SIM cards. They are not the same and despite my constant corrections; they don’t understand the difference between the cards. SIM cards allow mobile users to connect to phones to the network and it stores their user information. While an SD is a removable memory card. I’m sure you’re aware there’s a big difference between cellular connection and data storage. Apparently, the kids don’t think it’s a big deal.

I’m not sure when we stopped teaching kids how to type correctly, but I’m sure it’s around the same point when we stopped teaching cursive. We need kids to read cursive so they can read original documents and sign their name. At this point, I think we’re just going to have people marking X instead of signing their name like a pirate. 

That’s how I feel every time I’m asking these kids to type out a simple word and they’re hunting and pecking. Nobody knows what homeroom keys are. Nobody understands that if a word is already highlighted, they just have to type. They don’t need to press delete. They don’t need to do anything extra.

As I am teaching kids how to add new folders to their desktop, I am also teaching them how to copy files from their SD card and transfer it to their desktop. Watching kids figure out how to operate a mouse to highlight the files is entertaining and frustrating all at the same time. Teaching them shortcut keys like pressing control n to open a new file is mind-boggling to them. Pressing Ctrl a to highlight all the files that they need is magic. I don’t know how these kids have been using devices basically since kindergarten and nobody has actually explained to them what to do. 

We are doing these kids a disservice by not actually having basic computer classes anymore. I remember in elementary school where we would go to the computer lab and we would do typing drills and we would practice using our keyboards and did fun games. But in reality, these games were teaching us how to use the mouse correctly. These games that we would try to beat the leaderboards on were teaching us how to type correctly. It’s always funny to have my students watch me type a document as they’re talking to me and I’m not looking at my keys. It’s almost as if I’m an alien.

This is just a very bizarre world and I wonder how employers are dealing with the young adults entering the workforce. Are they sitting down with these fresh adults and showing them how to use a computer? Are these people asking questions or are they just staring at a desktop computer for the first time, hoping they can make it work? 

I could easily just say I teach TV production, not an intro to computer course, and leave it at that. But before I can have my students edit, I have to make sure they know how to operate a computer at the level that I was doing in elementary school. 

Thankfully, my students seem eager this year, but they aren’t ready to get into the nitty gritty. We’ve spent the last week putting cameras on tripods and learning how to use a professional camera. I hope when we open up Adobe Premiere Monday, things go smoothly. But I know I’ll be spending more time than I want teaching basic tech and how to operate a real computer.

Teaching

Disappointment in the classroom

Alexandra Diane

I didn’t think I would write about students so soon. But as I concluded day two, I already experienced two very fun incidents that left me shaking my head and disappointed. I hope this doesn’t foreshadow what’s to come this year. 

Monday started out with an extended drive to work. The roads were filled with more drivers due to it being the first day back to school. That meant there were a lot of new drivers out there. I’m not sure if those were responsible for the accidents and delays or just distracted drivers. But ‌it didn’t help matters much, that the city decided the perfect time to start construction, just north of the school, was the week before. Thankfully, they hadn’t shut it down to one lane, like they did when the teachers returned to school. However, things were still a mess.

I was hoping this was going to be the worst of my Monday and, for a few hours, it was. That’s only because I have planning periods in the morning and there weren’t any students to harsh my mellow. Honestly, I was looking forward to my third and fourth period classes. The classes were filled with mostly juniors who were excited to work with some of my best seniors. I had the first week already planned out months ago. Which meant nothing because during pre-school week I learned that administration wanted to have class meetings during 3rd and 4th period. So I adjusted and could still coordinate what I wanted to teach. 

As I greeted my new set of students, some I knew while others were brand new, they all claimed a seat and were talking to themselves. My first error was not checking their schedules. I figured they were all upperclassmen that knew whether they would be in film or news. I didn’t think I needed to check anyone’s schedule because I recognized 90% of their faces from the roaster I had checked minutes before. I called attendance and everyone answered “here”. 

Once it came time for me to breakdown how the year was going to go, one very large student was getting vocal with their friend. I kept having to ask this student to remove their headphones or quit talking. A few times, they would snicker when I said if they didn’t stop talking to their friend, I would ensure they sat apart for the next few weeks. When it came time to break into groups, they begged to work with their bestie. I shared the three songs everyone could choose from, explained the importance of making a detailed shot list before filming, and mentioned that the quick turnaround would be challenging. Leaving the students to it I sat down. Not even two minutes later the snickering student comes up to my desk. 

“Ms.” the student snickers. “I can’t believe it. I’m in the wrong class. I’m supposed to be in news.” 

I am completely taken back. The pain in the butt answered during attendance. I don’t have patience for people who waste my time and are in the wrong place, I would have kicked him out right away. “No way, give me your schedule.” 

And of course, the student was right. Snickering and being as boisterous as possible, the student shouts to their friend, “Man, good luck with this class, she gives way too much work. I’m going to Wrights.”

As annoyed as I was that student acted out and thought they would cause a disruption to the class. The person they were acting out with drastically changed their behavior. No longer were they acting too cool for the music video project, they became an active participant in the project. 

I warned the other teacher about the disruptors’ actions, and he was disappointed and surprised at the students’ actions. After that class, I check every single student’s schedule. I didn’t want a repeat.

Unfortunately that student’s first and last name is burned into my mind now. I expected little from them after that. However, today before fourth period, the student came to me and apologized for their actions. I hope they were genuine because if that student is coming with us to any competitions this year; they have already lost my trust. I expect this student to act a fool until proven otherwise.

Again, I allowed myself to believe that disruptaurus was going to be the worst of it this week. Students tend to be on their best behavior during the first week. You know, slowly letting the crazy out. And to be honest, having a kid try to figure out what class they want to take by sitting in and being a bone head wasn’t that bad. What happened during a freshmen class left me speechless. 

The students received a packet containing my syllabus, the academy handbook, and a cell phone policy, all for their parents to sign. We request that every student who can pay contribute an academy fee of 40 dollars. I’ve learned that if I give a grade for the signatures, students return the papers quicker, and I don’t spend weeks hunting them down. Thankfully, the freshmen this year were prepared and in one class in particular two students had money for their fees. 

Before I collected their papers, I asked the students to get into groups and work on their favorite movies slideshow. I did this so I could walk around the class, talk to the students and collect their papers while others are busy being on task. One student paid in cash. I collected his papers and picked up the next row. I was worried about dropping his money, so I put the stack of papers on my desk and headed back to get the rest. After I collected the rest of the papers, I looked at my desk and the cash was missing. I retrace my steps and start looking on the floor next to the row that I left. 

“Are you okay?” A student asks me.

“R did you hand me the money or did I ask you to keep it?” I ask the student in the row ahead of where I was standing. 

“I gave it to you,” he says matter-of-factly.

I turned to the student who asked me if I was okay and asked, “did you see money by your desk?” 

That student shake’s their head but says “No, but those guys were asking whose money was on the floor.” 

The whole row confirms that the row behind them was asking about money. 

So I stare at the third row and every single student in that row can not make eye contact with me. That is a handful of students whose faces are bright red and darting around. 

“Did anyone happen to find money on the floor?” I asked hoping to god someone will just say oh yeah I found it. 

The lies pour quickly out of everyone’s mouth. “No, I didn’t see any money? Money why would there be money? What kind of money?” 

I had to keep my cool because I wanted to throw some FCC finds at them. “Don’t lie, six students just confirmed you all were talking about money on the floor.” 

I turn to one who has the reddest face. Eventually, that student puts their hand in their pocket and magically pops out a twenty. “I just saw it and -” 

I took it from them and walked to my desk. Before I could sit back down, I hear, “Ms! I think there’s another twenty on the floor.”

I love how things just appeared when the floor was bare, and I had moved backpacks around to double check before asking a single one of them. When I went to take the money from the group, I made it very clear how disappointed I was in their actions. 

“When you find money on the floor, a classroom floor no less, that doesn’t belong to you. I am collecting money. You know I am collecting money and your first response to seeing something on the floor is to take it? Not bring it to me and ask if someone may have dropped it. I would understand if it was in the middle of the courtyard, filled with people or empty, that it would be hard to find the owner. But in a classroom where you know money is being moved really speaks a lot to everyone, one of you in this group’s character.” The two who pocketed the money won’t look at me, while the others just hang their heads. “In this class we are checking out equipment that cost upwards to thousands of dollars at a time. Sometimes classmates are going to forget headphones and SD cards in their bags. I expect you all to be good stewards and classmates to turn those items in, not steal them. Because one day you will forget something or drop something and I hope it’s around people who return things and not just take them like someone in your group did.”

The bell rang not too long after that and that entire group rushed out of the class. I  heard mutterings of kids saying they can’t believe that everyone just went along with it and no one said anything. 

That made me feel a little better to hear there were those in the room that were disappointed by their classmates’ actions. 

I am not sure how I can combat stealing or poor character, but I know that class has lost its ability to have open seating. I want to be sure that none of those students are sitting next to each other. 

So two days down and only a 178 left to go. 

Hopefully, the rest of the week is less eventful. 

Teaching

More than teaching

Alexandra Diane

What is the legacy you want to leave behind?

Everyday someone’s son or daughter walks through my door. They are called students. In elementary school, students spend more time with their teacher than they do with their families. In middle school, students suddenly face six teachers. The comfort of seeing the same face every day is broken. Watching sixth graders adjust to this new world is adorable and scary all at the same time. Moving to high school, I watched a lower amount of anxiety pour out of the freshmen. Maybe it’s because I’m a mother or empathetic, but I try to remember that these adult looking bodies in my room are still children. 

It’s frustrating to deal with students who just don’t care. In some classes, it becomes a cancer that spreads and students who were working eventually stop. I can’t lash out or treat the cancers like I would an adult. There’s a root to the issue and most of the time it’s outside the classroom. The seniors who are graduating in a few days grew into their own during covid so their reality is warped. The adults didn’t know how to handle what was going on, so they didn’t hold the students accountable and gave them chance after chance to make a half-hearted effort. 

This was a failure on our part. How could we expect children who entered high school to care when they grew up watching everyone shut down? Their freshman year, the year where teachers are supposed to instill deadlines and expectations, was null and void. They were still robbed of their sophomore year, where students pick up on social cues and are growing into mini adults. Half online, half in the classroom. Students just weren’t working and those who did work felt like it wasn’t fair. 

I was teaching middle school. Kids complained about how it wasn’t fair that the people online didn’t have to do the same amount of work. I had to figure out the nicest way to say “life isn’t fair. It’ll never be fair.” But how do you explain this to someone else’s child without being a dick? I am straightforward, in an age appropriate manner, with my own children. My husband and I don’t hide things from our kids, but that doesn’t mean my students get the same honesty at home. I’ve learned that the hard way when I speak plainly and have been told that I am too harsh and should be more sensitive. I had a student not complete his work, and he responded with a very sarcastic “sorry I didn’t do it.” This was the third assignment that the student hadn’t completed for the quarter, so I was peeved when I responded to him. His mother went to administration saying I was too cruel when I responded with “It’s your grade that’s going to be sorry since you didn’t complete your work.” 

I held my tongue that day. I wanted to tell his mother that her child was lazy, disrespectful to me and rude to his classmates. Instead, I smiled and said, “well if he just completed his work, there wouldn’t be a problem.” This student is now a junior at a different high school from where I teach at. His girlfriend is in my program and she’d told me he still doesn’t like to do his work, however he misses me because “I keep it real.” 

I don’t want to be mean to my students. I don’t want to raise my voice because I don’t want my son and daughter to deal with that at school. However, it’s a losing battle. My freshmen were in sixth grade during covid so they are little electronic junkies. Headphones in no matter where they go. Glued to their cell phone FaceTiming with friends in class, just like they did when they were at home pretending to care about their classes. I must raise my voice to be heard over their loud chatter, and with 30 people in one room,I’m still not heard. 

I wish I could collect all their phones and stash them away. But their parents get upset if they can’t text their child right away. I have to remove myself from a parental mindset. Yes, I want to text my kids during class, but they should give their teacher their full attention. I think covid broke the adults too. They were so used to the consent connection with their child that they don’t know how to function without the instant response.  

But then I have students who come to me because they don’t have that connection with their parents. My classroom door needs to be replaced with a revolving one, so I stop having to answer each knock from a girl having a meltdown. My teacher hat kind of goes away although I don’t really put on a mom hat, but I just listen. Sometimes they like what I have to say, other times I get a whining “Mrs. Jenkins!” because I didn’t take their side. I try to give them real life advice for the problems they are facing. Mean girl issues don’t go away just because you graduate and crappy relationship issues only get worse. 

One of my male students came in his last few days of school and just word vomited about the problems he was having with his ex. He was graduating, and she was mad about how things ended. I take everything my students tell me with a grain of salt. However, the drama he was dealing with was a lot. The only advice I could give him was you’re graduating. You won’t be seeing her anymore. If she needed him to be the villain in her story, so be it. Someone is always the villain and if you know you did nothing wrong, then let her process that way. 

I know these students are people’s sons and daughters. My heart hurts when I listen to their stories that they cannot share with their parents. I wish they could talk to their parents with the honesty that they share with me. My kids know they can open up to me without judgment, but they may not feel comfortable discussing their problems with me. Children don’t ever want to disappoint their parents. They don’t want their parents to see them in a negative light, and sometimes it’s easier to talk to a neutral party. I hope other teachers open themselves to their students, being that ear for their students to vent their frustration and fears. 

Teaching, Writing

My Career has never been one direction

Alexandra Diane

What is your career plan?

What’s my career plan?

Well, that’s a loaded question.

Twenty years ago, I would have told you I wanted to be a scriptwriter. I had all these wild dreams about heading out to Hollywood and writing movies. However, after spending a summer in Santa Monica, Venice Beach, and exploring California, I decided that it wasn’t the place for me. It wasn’t long before I gave up this dream. I never stopped writing, but scripts were no longer my focus. This was back in the early 2000s, the idea of working virtual wasn’t an option. So I changed directions. 

One direction was where I would live. I love the east coast. It’s the best coast. The people, the weather, and the speed of life  — something about it fuels my soul where the west coast sucked the life out of me. Now I had to add something else to my plan. Where I would live. I had always thought I could live anywhere. That wasn’t true. I need humidity to thrive and the sea breeze washed away my worries. So my living situation had become a key factor in my career search. Virginia, North Carolina, Savannah or even my home state of Florida were where I wanted to grow my professional life. 

My professional life needed to match what brought me joy. That’s being creative. I have had jobs in the past where I was stuck in a cubical filling out excel spreadsheets and staring at the wall daydreaming when I could leave. This meant applying for jobs out of state. Florida is great for hospitality but not so much for those who want to work in film, news or marketing. The rational part of my brain knew I might have to leave Florida. But because I was young and dumb, I received more than a few job offers I regret not accepting. 

Sometimes I want to shake that girl. Tell her to take the risk before starting a family. I traveled enough to know that I could leave. I could survive. However, I didn’t want to leave the person I was dating. Even when I knew it wasn’t a forever, end game type of relationship. All of this is laughable because in my late twenties I left a job in political news to move to a different country for my ex husband. 

That didn’t last. I felt lost for the months I lived there. I was supposed to focus on writing, but depression set in.I didn’t have something that was mine to keep me busy. Other things also fueled my negative experience. I wrote short stories and wrote the manuscript Angelic Findings. But none of that left me satisfied. I needed to know I was doing something worthwhile. 

When I returned from Brazil, they offered me my job back. But things weren’t the same. The election ended, and the company did a massive downsizing. I was one of the handful of  people cut. This sent me down a different path. For about six months, I was an editor and producer for a financial show. It was weird. Every edit was under a microscope to be sure it was in compliance. Eventually, I left that job and ended up working for a local news station. 

I liked it there. I love how busy and chaotic things were. Hurricane days and breaking news kept things busy. Only I was missing time with my family. Birthdays skipped, vacations missed, holidays put on hold until my shift was over or I woke up from a nap. I needed a change. But I couldn’t follow my dreams of accepting a job in Virginia. We couldn’t leave. My parents are here and they help with my kids. And my stepson’s mom lives here as well.  I wanted to leave. I still want to leave. But I couldn’t. I can’t. So I left the only thing I could. I left my career in news. 

`However, I didn’t leave the world completely.  I ended up teaching, and it’s been oddly enjoyable. 

I work with students, teaching them how to write scripts, create films and edit mini news packages. I’m able to do all the things I love everyday, without having a boss breathing down my throat for insane deadlines or people trying to undercut each other for a raise. However, the students do that to each other daily. I try to explain to them that A. We’re not saving lives, it’s not serious. And B… to just do the work their lives would be that much easier. 

Sometimes I stare at them and wonder what the future of our world will be. They do some dumb shit on the daily. It makes my brain hurt and I wonder if they eat lead paint chips as babies. But at the same time, most are incredibly sweet. They genuinely want to learn. I’m talking about my high school students. My middle school students had me wanting to jump off a bridge with cement feet. 

So this is my twisty turny career path, always something creative, never leaving Florida. One day I’ll escape. I’ll have a cottage in the woods, far away from people. But until then, my students will slowly drive me insane, wondering if their strange ideas doom or save humanity. 

Lent, Teaching

Day 6: I’m tellin’ y’all, it’s sabotage

Alexandra Diane

Today was a teacher’s work day. Students were supposed to be off, teachers were supposed to be in meetings, and having the chance to organize their lives. However for me that wasn’t the case. The TV production students are preparing for the Student Television Network (STN) competition out in Long Beach California. They will be participating in the team challenge Crazy 8 as well as individual challenges for two other days. 

The Crazy 8 challenge is two fold. We have news students and film students. The film students are given a title, a character line, prop, and shot required to be seen through the film. They have eight hours to write, film, and edit the final cut. The news students are given a topic, like “service with a smile,” to create a newscast around. They also have the same eight hour window. 

Last month when we held a mock competition I was right with my students. Held them to their times, reviewed their script, gave them suggestions on their shots. But we were unable to repeat the same magic. I had to participate in mandatory training which meant the students were on their own. I peeked at their final script and cringed but there was nothing I could do. They had to manage it on their own. 

There was more than just a poor script that sabotaged them. The location they based their story on was closed due to it being president’s day. The crew wasted an hour trying to find a new location and rewrite their script. While they adjusted the story there were still major plot holes. The script lacked a true first act. We were thrown into a fight between the only characters in the short film. There was nothing redeeming about them and I even texted a student about fixing the problem, however they did not take my advice. 

When we were all able to finally meet together the cast and crew were actually cordial with each other. While the editor got to work the rest of the crew relaxed and we started planning what we will be doing in California. This was a high contrast to the news students who were running around in a panic. There were attitudes being thrown left and right. One student came in and screamed at their partners. While I understand frustrations run high in a competition that is no way to treat the people you rely on. I am insanely petty and if my partner would have spoken to me in that way I would have flipped the bird and told that human to figure it out on their own. I know I have done that in the professional world. 

While that student was being handled by the news teacher, I was watching our editor break down. While our shoots were beautiful the audio was trash. Adobe has a new AI podcast web based element that helps clean up audio. We tried that and it resulted in the whole room laughing. Instead of fixing things it made the two actors turn into a mix of minions and chipmunks that sucked about seventeen helium balloons. Although this was not the result we were looking for, it did make us laugh. It was the mental break we needed after coming to the conclusion there was no saving the audio in the small window we had left. The editor took a song that fit (ish) the mood of the film and prayed it would mask all the issues. 

** Plot twist, it did not.**

When it came time to watch the news cast and film the problems followed. First the short film that the students submitted was not the three minutes that we shot.  It was only 49 seconds long. While my co-teacher / mentor teased the students about checking the exports, he pulled up the newscast. It was supposed to be 8 minutes long, however it was only 42 seconds. That’s when the whole class burst out laughing and teasing one another. The students who submitted the files opened the files, and at first glance they looked correct. The time codes gave the proper time, however when playing out the videos they both stopped at the 40ish mark. They were corrupted. We waited for the files to be fixed and then returned to watching the projects. 

The film students covered their heads and avoided stares from the news students. Of course our garbage sound was not covered by the music. And while we watched I just cringed waiting for it to end. I couldn’t connect with the characters. The varying audio levels made my ears want to bleed. As soon as it ended my co-teacher repeated all the comments that I had made during our editing process. 

When we started the news students project things started to go well. Although they had some soft focus shots their levels were far better than our film. Everything was going pretty smooth until a news package was cut short. That’s when my co-teacher ripped apart the news cast.

This was supposed to be our last practice before the competition. But this is not what not the level of work any of these students usually produced. I kept suggesting over and over again that we needed to hold another practice. That way we had a clean palette and no shame hovering over us. Eventually all students agreed as well as my co-teacher. So hopefully this extra practice will ensure that we won’t sabotage ourselves in California. 

Teaching, Writing

Well, I’m not okay.

Alexandra Diane

Hormones and body dysmorphia is fun.

When your brain thinks it’s still in its twenties but you’re closer to forty. You looked at my hands and wondered who they belong to? Why do they seem to belong to a person who is decades older than you? You wonder if someone has replaced my skin with an alligator’s. There are days when you wonder how you’re an adult and you need an adultier adult to fix the situation, but you are the adultier adult now.

I wonder how I’m in charge of helping the three young beings grow into being adults. It feels overwhelming and exhausting and rewarding all at the same time. I wonder if I’m going to fail? How much will I give to watch them succeed? I know I will never give up, but how much of myself will I have to sacrifice for them?

I feel the same way about my students.

 I know my seniors, for the most part, really don’t give a fuck.

They just want to graduate and get out of school. I grasp that mindset completely. I wanted to do the same thing at their age. But my younger students I work hand in hand with. I try to make sure, as many of them as possible, understand what we are doing and how to create different things. But it’s just so frustrating and demoralizing when some of your students either won’t do the work or lie to their parents and say that I don’t care. I can only do so much. I am only one person. But I will never brush a student aside. I am always willing to help them. I make myself available outside school hours; they have my phone number, and know that they can text me if there’s ever an issue. I just really wish sometimes I could record my classes and show the students who put no effort and how I call them out in class. When I ask them where their assignment is and show their parents the shrug or nonchalant response that I receive. You would think I was asking them to recreate End Game instead of requesting them to put just the tiniest bit of effort into their schoolwork.

I have enough shit on my plate to deal with. I’m not completely sure why I thought being a teacher could be rewarding. Thankfully, transitioning to high school there have been more positive days than bad. However, on days like this, where I already hate myself, I just wonder if it is easier to return to the newsroom. Maybe 2am wake-up calls weren’t truly that bad. 

Teaching

New School – New School Year

Alexandra Diane

This year was different. Instead of walking into the Bear Den, which has been my professional home for the last three years, I walked through the gates of the Hawk’s Nest. To say I was apprehensive about my first day back on a high school campus is an understatement. Imposter syndrome had hit me hard over the summer. I know the work my future students can create and, to be honest, that’s not how my brain works. 


I can edit breaking news until I am blue in the face, but that’s not what I was doing. I was now in charge of the junior and senior film students. My strength is writing, not production. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to correct people’s work. I am a manager at heart. I love training people and giving them the tools to succeed. 


Accepting my new role was a two month long mental process. In July, I headed to a new classroom with my co-teacher and mentor for the last twenty years. The room was a hot mess. The cabinets were filled with abandoned papers, folders, and work that had been in here since the school opened in 2005. I didn’t know where to start. I felt like I would never be ready with how much I had to purge and set up. But God sent angels in the form of two of my former students. They just were at school with their mom/aunt. I lost count of how many times I would receive a text from that asking if I was going to be on campus and even if I wasn’t, they would go into my room and clean. I don’t think my room would have been done by the first week of August without their help. 


My mentor helped me transform my boring room into something fun because my brain was broken. I was struggling to figure out how to take three classrooms’ worth of stuff and fit it into one room. But fortunately, I wasn’t alone. My mentor totally had not been planning what room I’d be taking over for the last ten months or more. If you didn’t read that with sarcasm, I don’t know what to tell you. Walking into a classroom with functioning equipment felt strange. Knowing there was a budget at my disposal made the situation even more peculiar. However, the hardest thing that I will have to get used to this year is not being alone. Finally, I had a colleague in my profession, someone to bounce ideas off of. Which I will be forever grateful because right now I’m just trying to keep my head above water.


As time crept closer for the students to return to campus, I faced an additional problem. I had to make sure that my first-year students would live up to my mentor’s expectations. Once more, the lifesaver that eluded me during my initial three years of teaching was present. Yes, my mentor helped me out with getting ideas for my middle school students. However, I created all my lectures and developed my curriculum. I wasn’t sure what I was doing was right. I just knew that the kids were learning and could create content that was unexpected for them at the middle school level. But this year I had everything in front of me. A part of me desired to change it, but I didn’t feel ready.


I wanted to see how my mentor taught his classes. It had been twenty-plus years since I had been face to face with what he teaches and I am not that arrogant to think I know better. His system works. Students from this program win awards, they get jobs; and they are admitted into amazing colleges. Students who graduate from this TV Production Academy have life skills and I am proof of that. 

However, I’m basically sunshine mixed with a little hurricane, so of course after I digest everything from this year I’ll have to put my spin on it. 


This week my TV 1 students are learning about basic camera shots and shot composition. When I opened the lecture, I legitimately laughed out loud. I came face to face with the same images that I used in my lecture that I created three years ago. It looks like we had the same sources. Undoubtedly because he gave me a bunch. But he threw so much information at me I wasn’t sure what he used and what was just given as a “here figure it out” source.  


As we went through the lecture, I noticed something. I went way more in-depth on certain subjects. When reviewing the rule of thirds, he only had one slide. I have an entire lecture dedicated to the rule of thirds. It’s just funny what people focus on. 


The apprehension that I had with my upper classmen has also begun to fade. When I introduced myself to my first class, four boys sat there, radiating a “too cool for school” vibe. They underestimated me when I didn’t call them out. Instead, I intended to let their work speak for itself, yet their first project contained silly errors that a 4th year student should not make. When I could point out their mistakes, the laughing stopped. The next day, when I was bringing up the new assignment, they were all ears. I explained to the class what I would be challenging them with and everyone had a look of challenge acceptance on their face. 


We’ve only been in school for two weeks and I can already see why my mentor kept saying he needs a female in the academy. Some of these girls are intense. We are an arts program and that means we get some exceptionally interesting students. I have one who is interested in being a writer, however she hyper fixates on things. I could spot this out before he ever warned me. Another girl thinks she’s quirky and can get away with her unlying rudeness by squeaking. That shit will not fly. And then there are typical issues that girls face. A freshman who is being vindictive to her ex-boyfriend. Another who has a crush on a guy who doesn’t know she’s alive. Gossip is already flowing and I can’t say I hate it. I think the gossip keeps the day entertaining. 


So do I miss my middle school, in a way yes. I miss the professional friends I made. But graduating simultaneously as the students who I have been with over the last three years has made the change easier. I don’t doubt myself as a teacher like I did when I came into this field. I know my shit. Now comes the hard part and ensuring students can produce content that far outshines what the adults expect them to do. 
I always enjoyed a good challenge. 

Lent, Teaching

Day 38: The danger of misinformation, especially with school safety

Alexandra Diane

Today was a shit show and a half. But the chaos started the day before. 

We were in code red before the first period was over. Only this time, it wasn’t a drill. My students were outstanding. We all went to the secure location, and everyone was silent. While we waited for a clear, all I could think about were the students out filming. Not even five minutes after the code started, the all-clear was called. 

When my students returned to my class, I asked them where they had gone. Some entered other teachers’ rooms, some entered the bathrooms, and others headed to grade-level offices. Two students told me they left the camera rolling when they ran off. I said that’s fine; maybe you captured something interesting. However, a few told me they were worried about the equipment. I reminded them I could always buy new cameras. I couldn’t purchase their life back if the unthinkable happened. 

Finally, the last three students returned to class. And boy, did they have a story. They were recording as the incident began. A male student had become hostile and was verbally threatening a teacher. The girls were packing up. They didn’t want him to break the camera. He was punching the doors and shouting at any and all authority that came near him. Before that could return to class, the code red started. They left the gear and went to a secure location. They could still hear the student yelling and threatening as the Administration detained the hostile student. Two of the three girls said they were concerned about his behavior, and my third said she wanted to stay and get footage because it would be a good news story. I joked and said, “Well, we know who the future newscaster will be. But in all seriousness, your safety is the number one priority.” 

We all went about our day, and aside from thinking about how well our students handled the situation, I gave little thought to it. 

This morning we had our monthly faculty meeting, and we found out the teacher didn’t mean to activate the code red. Although I think it was good, who knows if the Hostile student could have lashed out at an unexpected student walking in the halls? We learned that pressing our emergency badges three times, pausing, and then pressing them three times again counts as six times. And if they were pressed after that, it activates a code red. We all assumed that pushing it three times would alert the administration that they were needed in the room, and if we waited a moment or two in between that, it would just reactivate the administration call. Most of our teachers didn’t realize that even if there were moments between the three punches, it would activate a code red, which is what happened. 

When we arrived at school today, there was more police activity on campus than usual. Most of them chalked it up to the code red. That was until the principal told us the suspended student had posted a threat on social media. The principal wasn’t even aware of the danger until he arrived on campus. We have an extremely good system where parents and students can report social media threats or any threat. However, our local police force was on our campus faster than the reporting system this time. Somebody had notified them about the student making a threat to our school. Our principal had just found out this information not too soon before our meeting started. Our principal is amazing and very transparent with the teachers, the students, and their parents. He composed a message to inform us that there was a report and that the police were already handling the situation, which he sent out once our meeting was completed. However, that wasn’t soon enough.

Students were already making their way to campus in the morning. Those who travel by bus leave insanely early, and many parents drop off their students before school hours because they have to go to work. So while we were in the meeting, students were already on social media sharing the post that the student had threatened the school. And they panicked without knowing that the situation was being handled. They did not give us a chance to calm the storm before it took place. The rumor mill had already begun. 

This was probably the most dangerous part of the day. Teenagers gossiping. Students are not talking to adults but to each other, exaggerating and making the situation worse. Kids were already calling and texting their parents, asking to be picked up. Parents calling the school jammed the phone lines, limiting communication. 

But while there were kids that were worried and calling their parents, those who wanted to be sure the Administration saw every single post made. They wanted to ensure everyone was aware of the situation, and I was so proud of these things. They wanted to make sure that there was no possibility of anything wrong. Unfortunately, things became worse when rumors grew.

This was when I started getting emails from parents asking me what was happening. I told them everything was normal, and we were all fine. I asked where they heard things, and they said a teacher told their children the suspended student had returned to school. Which I knew was not true. I reassured them that everything was safe and that even though everything was safe, out of an abundance of caution, we had an excessive amount of police force on campus. Then some parents sent me screenshots of the local community input people were saying. Some parents didn’t even have children on our campus and were spreading lies. And then the thing that pissed me off the most happened. My former news station reported that we were in a code yellow. Code yellow is when teachers are still teaching but restrict the movement in the halls unless absolutely necessary. We were not in a code yellow. We were not in a code anything. It was a normal day being blown out of proportion by people spreading lies and rumors. This was ensuing chaos. One mother complained that it took an hour for her to pick up her child. Not only was there an excessive number of parents picking up their kids, but they must vet every single person who was picking up a student. The administration was not just going to allow anybody to come to pick up kids randomly. It always has to be checked, and there were parents complaining about that. 

Today was a fucking joke, and it wasn’t because of our administration. They were doing more than necessary to be open with all the parents. They did everything possible to ensure safety. And they were trying to keep the students on campus calm. Unfortunately, worried parents made the situation worse.

I fully understand the concern, but social media’s gossip mill made things awful. News stations reporting with false information made it even worse. Adults and students alike spreading lies and gossiping made things atrocious. Teachers were with the students all day. We were calming nerves dealing with those having panic attacks. This put us under a lot of stress and pressure to make sure all students were okay and safe. Not just physically but mentally as well. Some teachers taught while others, like myself, turned on a movie and tried to distract the students from thinking of anything negative.

Adults need to be smarter. They need to stop gossiping and spreading rumors, and inciting horrible comments about things they do not know what is going on. Some parents were saying how their students were telling them a different story than what the principal was saying and calling the principal a liar. Our principal is anything but a liar. The students’ safety is his number one priority, and today he took every precaution. Our administrative staff in the front office were dealing with hostile parents, who were making the situation worse than it needed to be. Parents need to remember these are middle schoolers. There is a total no chance that their precious little babies would exaggerate the situation. I heard them exaggerating the situation. There were rumors spreading that an administrator got into a fight with the suspended student and was in the hospital, and there were people that actually believed it. Which I found absolutely absurd, since the man was walking around campus unharmed and obviously not in a hospital.

I truly understand people being concerned and worried. But they need to be smart. They don’t need to make a situation worse. And that is all that happened today. Gossip, rumors, news stations sharing false information. All of this caused more chaos and is not helpful.

I can’t believe this is my second post in less than 40 days about the chaos in schools.

Lent, Teaching

Day 23: I like my classroom writing prompt

Alexandra Diane

I didn’t know what to write today—I spent the first half in the hospital waiting for my husband to get his back injections and the second half trying to herd cats. Er, I mean, keep my students occupied before spring break when most didn’t attend school. 

I looked up writing prompts, and the one for today fit perfectly: I like my classroom because… 

Because it’s mine, it was the first professional space I didn’t have to share with a coworker. In every production company or newsroom, I have worked in, I’ve had to share a desk or office space with one or more coworkers but not this time. I could decorate my room to my liking without worrying about whether the person I shared my space with would care. 

What made the shared space even more challenging was that I usually shared it with males. I tended to bring girlie things to decorate my desk with, and they would tease me. Now it was never anything malicious, ever. I’ve been lucky to work with amazing men, but hearing “Alex the piggy? Really?” Yes, really, and over time they all loved the damn piggy. 

However, with teaching, I still have to be careful about what I bring in. I have to make sure it’s not something that a student can walk off with. Unfortunately, quite a few things gifted to me by students went missing while I was on maternity leave. 

I had my tissue box cover broken. Not sure how it happened, but the screws came out of the lid. Thankfully they fell under the tissue box, and I could fix it. But I was unable to fix what was stolen. 

Away from my primary classroom and heading towards my studio is a center room where students will go to work or decompress. They think I don’t know that sometimes when they go to the U table, I know they seek an escape. I don’t let students who I don’t trust sit in there. The room has blue lights thinking across the ceiling, and most of the time, the students only have them on. They love writing in the dark, but I don’t usually let them live out their vampire fantasies. 

My studio is probably my favorite of the three classrooms. It’s where I can truly see how much my students have learned. They have to set the lights and cameras. Students also keep the room organized and clean. It’s their space as much as it is mine. I’m so proud to see them troubleshoot technical problems and work as a team, even when things may not always go smoothly. 

Soon I’ll be taking everything off the walls of my classroom. I’m going to be moving from the middle school level to the high school level. I will no longer fully control my program and will work with my former t.v production teacher and mentor. I won’t have the same space I do now; however, my new classroom will be just as special. I won’t have a planning room or a studio attached to my main room. It’ll be down the hall. I won’t be the only person teaching the TV students how to use the equipment. It’ll now be teamwork. It’ll be a new adventure, and I’m sure I’ll have a thing to be my favorite in the classroom.